I was shown a fax at work today by Jenny (the wife of my boss, who is a total technophobe – the fax being the pinnacle of technology she’s willing to interact with while not pulling faces) that had the winners of the Washington Post Mensa Invitational Contest, which takes submissions of words that have have one letter changed, by adding, subtracting or substitution, and then are cleverly redefined. Here are my favourites from the list – I’ve spent a fair portion of the afternoon chortling over the last three especially.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

3. Bozone (n.): The subs tance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

7. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.

8. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter whenn they come at you rapidly.

9. Reintarnation (n.): Belief that one will come back to life as a hillbilly.

10. Ignoranus (n.): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.


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